Anger Management Get In Touch With Your Inner Anger Before It Gets You Into Trouble

Most of you have varying levels of comfort with your more powerful negative feelings such as anger. In many families children are discouraged or even punished for expressing anger so it is not surprising that as adults you have the habit of driving your angry feelings underground.

In fact you expend a lot of energy denying you have them at all. However, when you do so, it tends to provide only temporary relief. Generally the anger you bury has a way of eventually coming out and often with a vengeance. And yet expressing anger in impulsive unconscious ways usually gets you into considerable trouble with those whom you care for the most.

Chances are your most satisfying relationships rely heavily on your ability to monitor your emotions and make healthy choices in expressing anger.

What are angry feelings?

They can be imagined as waves that wash over you. You cannot control which feelings may arise moment to moment but you can learn to make conscious choices about how you react to them. At the crest of a wave of anger you most likely feel you will remain in your angry state forever. You are the anger! But this is an illusion and it can be helpful to remind yourself that it will pass.

Meanwhile what can you do?

Building some perspective on your angry feelings is the first step in gaining control over how to express them in healthy appropriate ways. You are probably unaware of how you get from feeling relatively okay to shouting or suddenly fleeing the room. It is only after the damage is done that you realize something bad happened.

One of the keys is beginning to learn your unique set of signals indicating your wave of anger is mounting. Some common signs are flushed/hot face, increased heartbeat, sweating, stomach sensations, increase in voice volume, facial grimaces, specific spoken phrases often involving words like "always" and "never" and swearing.

Get some feedback from a family member or close friend about the signals they notice that indicate your anger wave is rolling in. After you have identified some signs, begin to watch for them. When they occur, work to keep a part of yourself observing what is happening.

This takes practice and is easier at first with mild states of irritation rather than full-blown rage. Consider putting yourself in situations that you know tend to trigger mild anger and then set out to watch for your signals.Ask a trusted close friend or family member to give you a nonverbal cue when they recognize your anger increasing.

Building awareness of your individual pattern is crucial to establishing more control over how you react to your anger in the moment. If you fail to recognize your anger until you are shouting or find your head pounding with a headache, you have missed an opportunity to make a healthier choice for riding out that wave.

 

 
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